Sorrow
by Shinigami Ree
Summary: Sequel to Unexpected, post game. Cloud thinks back on what he lost, and wonders why it didn't last. Angst


Title: Untitled

Rating: PG

Summary: Sequel to Unexpected, post game. Cloud thinks back on what he lost, and wonders why it didn't last. Angst

Authoress Notes: ...blame Cadoan. He/she's the one that said, "Keep writing!" And I know it's crap, but it was written at 1 am, and pure angst is hard for me to write.

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It had happened every year, usually around this time, for the past three years. The whole gang was supposed to be meeting up in Kalm; they got together once a year, to catch up on things. It seemed this year, Cloud would be off on his annual disappearance act. Tifa still hadn't figured out where he ran off to on these trips. It was starting to worry Tifa too, he refused to tell her where he went, and no matter how much she tried, he resisted all her efforts to get closer. Tifa sighed and headed upstairs, finding Cloud's room empty, his sword, and most of his stuff gone. She leaned against the doorframe and sighed in frustration. He'd left two nights ago, not saying a word to her, as usual, and leaving no clue as to where he'd gone, or when he'd be back.

-

Three years ago, Cloud had finally been able to remember what had happened when he returned to Nibelheim, with few holes left in the memory, and no more false memories covering up the truth. Knowing what he had had, and remembering how much he had loved Sephiroth had nearly driven him insane. That year had been the first time he'd run from civilization, avoiding human contact, while he tried to sort out memories and emotions. At first, he'd wished he'd never remembered, he'd thought it would be easier to go on hating the man. It had taken three long months to come to grips with what had happened, and to figure out where to go from there.

He knew he'd always thought of Sephiroth as his idol...he wasn't sure where, or when, or how, the idolization had turned to love. But he did remember the night he'd finally worked up the courage to tell the older man, and he remembered how it had felt to be in Sephiroth's arms. He missed it terribly. He couldn't remember how he'd made himself challenge Sephiroth the first time, and he didn't know if he wanted to know. He did know he loved Sephiroth, and a heavy guilt weighed on his shoulders for killing the man he loved.

He'd finally returned to the house he and Tifa shared, resolving to never tell her. She'd never understand, and neither would any of the others. He couldn't call the little house in Kalm home anymore.

The second year, Cloud had ventured to Nibelheim, avoiding the townspeople, and hiking into the mountains, giving the reactor a wide berth as he wandered aimlessly. He'd finally settled himself on a sturdy ledge that gave him a good view of the town below. The storms that chased each other around Mount Nibel's peaks forced him into building a tiny shelter for his two month stay, but before he'd left, he'd started working on a tiny monument for Sephiroth.

Last year's trip had been the hardest so far. Trekking all the way to Northern Crater, he had retrieved Sephiroth's sword, the legendary Masamune. He had intended to take it to Nibelheim that year, but had returned to Kalm instead, physically exhausted from his trip. Cloud had also begun to suspect that Tifa might have had a friend follow him, Vincent most likely, and so not wanting his secret to be uncovered, he had returned to Kalm, and hidden the sword away carefully.

Cloud knew she meant well, but he simply couldn't settle down with her now. Not when getting close to anyone felt like he was betraying Sephiroth. He talked the most when on these yearly sojourns, but the man he spoke to wasn't there to hear him. The trips had become a way for him to get away from the world, and wander to where ever he felt closest to Sephiroth.

This year, he intended to finish the little monument, and things were going well. Cloud had managed to set the Masamune in the rocky mountain side, just behind the stone he'd set in place the year before last. The last two hours, he'd been absorbed in his last task, finishing up the carving in the stone. When at last the task was finished, he sat back on his heels and ran his fingers over the nine letter word carved in the stone.

The same nine letter word was engraved on his heart...

...Sephiroth.


End file.
